what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
