I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
