remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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