dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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