Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
