Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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