honey bunches of taint.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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