Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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