he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
