Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
