I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize