I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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