I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
