In the future we'll all be gay
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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