I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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