It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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