Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
