if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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