he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
