I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
