It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
