hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
