sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
