I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
