but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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