Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
