Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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