he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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