OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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