My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
