So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
