Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
