She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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