After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
