i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
