I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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