Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
