saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
