Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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