meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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