I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
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