cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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