So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
