I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
