just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
