He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
