I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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