i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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