1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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