Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
