i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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