Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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