It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
