i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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