My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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