i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
