I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
