So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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