I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
