so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
