I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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