you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
