Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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