it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
