Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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