I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
