i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
