ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
