She's JV to your varsity
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
