as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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