Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
