even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
