I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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