I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
