he wants to bone in the snuggie
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize