Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize