You're so nebulous sometimes
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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