girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
