no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
