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the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm like, not good at living.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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