omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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