in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
