I hope mine doesn't look like that
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
