ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize