i love accidental penises.
smell my finger.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
