she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
