i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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