Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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