she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize