i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
