im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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