The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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