i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
