he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
