What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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