We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
