I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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